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Jesus returns

Friday, November 4, 2011

Strawberry Bread

Emergency Essentials - October 25, 2011

Use this delicious recipe for a delicious (and food storage friendly) twist on traditional quick bread recipes like zucchini and banana bread.
Do you like banana or zucchini bread? Do you like strawberries? If so, you’ll love this recipe. You can make it with or without nuts. We substituted walnuts for the pecans and as a way to use your food storage we used Provident Pantry® Butter Powder for the oil, and Provident Pantry® Whole Egg Powder for the eggs.


Ingredients
   3 cups flour

   2 cups white sugar
   1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
   1 teaspoon salt
   1 teaspoon baking soda
   4 eggs^
   1 1/4 cups vegetable oil
   1 cup chopped pecans
   2 1/2 cups freeze-dried strawberry slices^

^Reconstitute before using. Follow directions on #10 can to reconstitute.

Directions

1. Greese and flour 9″ × 5″ pan; Preheat oven to 350° F.
2. In a large bowl, sift together sugar, flour, cinnamon, salt, and baking soda.
3. In a smaller bowl, beat eggs, and oil; Stir in pecans and strawberries.
4. Add egg mixture to the sifted ingredients and stir until combined.
5. Bake for 1 hour or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.
6. Let cool and serve.

To use Provident Pantry® Butter or Margarine Powder in place of the oil, add 1 cup powder to the dry ingredients and 1/2 cup warm water to the wet ingredients. You can add 1-2 teaspoons of oil for added flavor if desired. For the eggs, use 8 tablespoons of whole egg powder and 12 tablespoons water – this is the equivalent of 4 large eggs.




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A society of holy women

VISITING TEACHING MESSAGE

A Society of Holy Women


Study this material and, as appropriate, discuss it with the sisters you visit. Use the questions to help you strengthen your sisters and to make Relief Society an active part of your own life.

A Society of Holy Women

Relief Society seal

Faith • Family • Relief

Eliza R. Snow, second Relief Society general president, taught: “Paul the Apostle anciently spoke of holy women. It is the duty of each one of us to be a holy woman. We shall have elevated aims, if we are holy women. We shall feel that we are called to perform important duties. No one is exempt from them. There is no sister so isolated, and her sphere so narrow but what she can do a great deal towards establishing the Kingdom of God upon the earth.”1

Sisters, we are not isolated nor is our sphere narrow. By accepting the gift of activity in Relief Society, we become part of what the Prophet Joseph described as a society “separate from all the evils of the world—choice, virtuous, and holy.”2

This society helps us strengthen our faith and grow spiritually by giving us leadership, service, and teaching opportunities. In our service a new dimension is added to our lives. We progress spiritually, and our sense of belonging, identity, and self-worth increases. We realize that the whole intent of the gospel plan is to provide an opportunity for us to reach our fullest potential.

Relief Society helps prepare us to receive the blessings of the temple, to honor the covenants we make, and to be engaged in the cause of Zion. Relief Society helps us increase our faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families, and seek out and help those in need.

The work of Relief Society is holy, and doing holy work creates holiness in us.

Silvia H. Allred, first counselor in the Relief Society general presidency.

From the Scriptures

Exodus 19:5; Psalm 24:3–4; 1 Thessalonians 4:7; Titus 2:3–4; Doctrine and Covenants 38:24; 46:33; 82:14; 87:8; Moses 7:18

From Our History

Speaking to the Female Relief Society of Nauvoo, the Prophet Joseph emphasized holiness, explaining that as sisters became pure and holy, they would have a marked influence upon the world. He explained: “Meekness, love, purity—these are the things that should magnify you. … This Society … shall have power to command queens in their midst. … The kings and queens of the earth will come unto Zion, and pay their respects.” Relief Society sisters living their covenants command the respect not only of noble people, but “if you live up to your privileges,” Joseph promised the sisters, “the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.”3

As the sisters participated in the work of serving and saving others, they became personally sanctified. Lucy Mack Smith, the Prophet’s mother, shared the good Relief Society could accomplish: “We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction, that we may all sit down in heaven together.”4

What Can I Do?

1. 1.

How am I helping the sisters I watch over to cultivate and achieve “elevated aims”?

2. 2.

What am I doing to make my life “choice, virtuous, and holy”?

For more information, go to www.reliefsociety.lds.org.

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Faith in Jesus Christ

Faith in Jesus Christ

Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.

Luke 24:39

As we commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ two millennia ago, we offer our testimony of the reality of His matchless life and the infinite virtue of His great atoning sacrifice. None other has had so profound an influence upon all who have lived and will yet live upon the earth.

He was the Great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New. Under the direction of His Father, He was the creator of the earth. “All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made” (John 1:3). Though sinless, He was baptized to fulfill all righteousness. He “went about doing good” (Acts 10:38), yet was despised for it. His gospel was a message of peace and goodwill. He entreated all to follow His example. He walked the roads of Palestine, healing the sick, causing the blind to see, and raising the dead. He taught the truths of eternity, the reality of our premortal existence, the purpose of our life on earth, and the potential for the sons and daughters of God in the life to come.

He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of His great atoning sacrifice. He was arrested and condemned on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob, and sentenced to die on Calvary’s cross. He gave His life to atone for the sins of all mankind. His was a great vicarious gift in behalf of all who would ever live upon the earth.

We solemnly testify that His life, which is central to all human history, neither began in Bethlehem nor concluded on Calvary. He was the Firstborn of the Father, the Only Begotten Son in the flesh, the Redeemer of the world.

He rose from the grave to “become the firstfruits of them that slept” (1 Corinthians 15:20). As Risen Lord, He visited among those He had loved in life. He also ministered among His “other sheep” (John 10:16) in ancient America. In the modern world, He and His Father appeared to the boy Joseph Smith, ushering in the long-promised “dispensation of the fulness of times” (Ephesians 1:10).

Of the Living Christ, the Prophet Joseph wrote: “His eyes were as a flame of fire; the hair of his head was white like the pure snow; his countenance shone above the brightness of the sun; and his voice was as the sound of the rushing of great waters, even the voice of Jehovah, saying:

“I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father” (D&C 110:3–4).

Of Him the Prophet also declared: “And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!

“For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—

“That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God” (D&C 76:22–24).

We declare in words of solemnity that His priesthood and His Church have been restored upon the earth—“built upon the foundation of . . . apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone” (Ephesians 2:20).

We testify that He will someday return to earth. “And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together” (Isaiah 40:5). He will rule as King of Kings and reign as Lord of Lords, and every knee shall bend and every tongue shall speak in worship before Him. Each of us will stand to be judged of Him according to our works and the desires of our hearts.

We bear testimony, as His duly ordained Apostles—that Jesus is the Living Christ, the immortal Son of God. He is the great King Immanuel, who stands today on the right hand of His Father. He is the light, the life, and the hope of the world. His way is the path that leads to happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come. God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son.

Agency requires us to make a choice

Agency Requires That There Be a Choice

We cannot choose unless the opposites of good and evil are placed before us. Lehi, a great Book of Mormon prophet, told his son that in order to bring about the eternal purposes of God, there must be “an opposition in all things. If not so, … righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad” (2 Nephi 2:11).

God allows Satan to oppose the good. God said of Satan:

“I caused that he should be cast down;

“And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice” (Moses 4:3–4).

Satan does all he can to destroy God’s work. He seeks “the misery of all mankind, … for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself” (2 Nephi 2:18, 27). He does not love us. He does not want any good thing for us. He does not want us to be happy. He wants to make us his slaves. He uses many disguises to capture us.

When we follow the temptations of Satan, we limit our choices. The following example suggests how this works. Imagine seeing a sign on the seashore that reads: “Danger—whirlpool. No swimming allowed here.” We might think that is a restriction. But is it? We still have many choices. We are free to swim somewhere else. We are free to walk along the beach and pick up seashells. We are free to watch the sunset. We are free to go home. We are also free to ignore the sign and swim in the dangerous place. But once the whirlpool has us in its grasp and we are pulled under, we have very few choices. We can try to escape, or we can call for help, but we may drown.

Even though we are free to choose our course of action, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions. The consequences, whether good or bad, follow as a natural result of any choice we make (see Revelation 22:12). If we touch a hot flame, for example, we are burned.

Heavenly Father has told us how to escape the captivity of Satan. We must watch and pray always, asking God to help us withstand the temptations of Satan (see 3 Nephi 18:15). Our Heavenly Father will not allow us to be tempted beyond our power to resist (see 1 Corinthians 10:13).

God’s commandments direct us away from danger and toward eternal life. By choosing wisely, we will gain exaltation, progress eternally, and enjoy perfect happiness (see 2 Nephi 2:27–28).

Agency is necessary in Heavenly fathers plan

Agency Is a Necessary Part of the Plan of Salvation

Agency makes our life on earth a period of testing. When planning the mortal creation of his children, God said, “We will prove [test] them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them” (Abraham 3:25). Without the gift of agency, we would have been unable to show our Heavenly Father whether we would do all that he commanded us. Because we are able to choose, we are responsible for our actions (see Helaman 14:30–31).

When we choose to live according to God’s plan for us, our agency is strengthened. Right choices increase our power to make more right choices.

As we obey each of our Father’s commandments, we grow in wisdom and strength of character. Our faith increases. We find it easier to make right choices.

We began to make choices as spirit children in our Heavenly Father’s presence. Our choices there made us worthy to come to earth. Our Heavenly Father wants us to grow in faith, power, knowledge, wisdom, and all other good things. If we keep his commandments and make right choices, we will learn and understand. We will become like him. (See D&C 93:28.)

Agency is an eternal principle

Agency Is an Eternal Principle

In the premortal life we were free agents. That means we had power to act for ourselves (see D&C 93:29–30). One purpose of earth life is to show what choices we will make (see 2 Nephi 2:15–16). If we were forced to choose the right, we would not be able to show what we would choose for ourselves. Also, we are happier doing things when we have made our own choices.

Agency may have been one of the first issues to arise in the premortal council in heaven. It was one of the main causes of the conflict between the followers of Christ and the followers of Satan. Satan said he would bring all of us back to our Father’s presence, but he would have taken away our agency. When his offer was rejected, he rebelled and was cast out of heaven with his followers (see D&C 29:36–37).

New church internet tool

New Church Internet tool offers simple service, reaches 20,000 users

SARAHJO CIOTTI - LDS LIVING - 3 DAYS AGO

SOURCE: LDS LIVING

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Screenshot of Vineyard.LDS.org.

"Helping in the Vineyard," a new tool created by the Church, gives people the opportunity to serve in small chunks of time and on their own schedule. And now the site is celebrating a milestone: it has acquired 20,000 users.

Members from 100 countries worldwide gather in one place to assist in the Lord’s vineyard—the Internet. Reaching 20,000 users on September 30, the LDSChurch’s Helping in the Vineyard website has been able to accomplish 628,929 tasks and translate 500 pages into several different languages.

This new tool, recently released by the Church atvineyard.lds.org, connects departments within the Church to one location where members or non-members from all over the world can go to participate in activities and projects. These projects are small, bite-sized pieces of a larger goal.

“The Vineyard has two purposes,” said Jayson Seegmiller, product manager for The Vineyard.

“One, it is to unify the departments of the Church into one single front door where they can present the needs of the departments to the members. The second one is then to provide an opportunity for members to come in and find opportunities that best meet their interests or skills and help serve and meet the request of those departments.”

This program allows members of the church to speed up productivity. “As the Church continues to grow, over time the infrastructure of the Church cannot grow consistently to meet the overall demand,” said Seegmiller. “They look to its members to assist in meeting that demand over time.” Seegmiller compares the work being done at The Vineyard to the service given in full-time missions. “Now we can bring the talents and interests of members into a single place and the work of those departments that may have been put off for a long amount of time, or languages that may not have gotten to . . . Now the community can come in and participate and hasten that work forward.”

FEATURED SPONSORQuality with Innovation - GYGI

And it doesn’t have to take a lot of time or effort to hasten that work forward. “If you have five minutes, you can go in and do one activity,” said Jennifer Anderson, the community outreach specialist. It may not seem like a lot, but it actually makes a huge impact on the church departments getting the work done and getting them out to the membership.”

The emphasis for this tool is that volunteering requires only a few minutes as the user can fit it in to his or her schedule. No commitment to a certain number of hours is required. “[Church members are] stretched so thin in all the things that we do,” said Seegmiller. “We use crowd-sourcing to break it down into small and simple tasks.”

The impact that the volunteers have provided since the website’s public debut on January 28, 2011 equals that of 20 full-time employees and has allowed for translations and publications to be produced at an increased rate.

The program is designed to implement the skills and talents of members who may be busy with family, work, or school. “There is so much coming in on a computer that [college students] can do,” said Anderson. “We’ve had several comment: ‘If I’m going to be on the computer it’s nice not to just wander around aimlessly. I can actually go accomplish something. . . . I can actually go be productive while I still have ten minutes in between class or I have a 35-minute break.’ They can get benefit from it spiritually.”

Along with the younger, tech-savvy generation, many others have been able to find ways to make serving in The Vineyard work for them. Families use it for Family Home Evening activities or to get in tune with the Spirit before church. Members who cannot participate in wards in the traditional way are able to participate in The Vineyard and feel like a valuable member of their congregation. “It’s a great way for people who are bedridden,” said Anderson. “There was a lady that sent us an e-mail saying that . . . she’s a disabled, very senior lady, and that ‘This allows me to contribute even though I can’t hold a calling in the ward.’”

Some wards are using it to build their youth community. Anderson said, “We received an e-mail from either a Young Men’s president or Scout leader . . . asking what the possibility of doing this as an Eagle Scout project was. I had never even thought about this. He wanted to set up something weekly or monthly in the ward’s gym with just computers, where the teens would teach the members in their ward how to use this tool and come in and serve, and kind of use it as an educational experience but also as a technical/volunteering thing to do as a scout project, which I thought was really intuitive.”

Many users express how the activities often feel like games, but the knowledge that they are making a difference and consecrating their time to something greater comes as an added bonus. Comparing some of the activities to games would not be far off.

“We certainly are looking at technologies that could enhance that experience when they come on,” says Seegmiller. “Even based on age demographic, or interest, we look at things like game-ification. . . . We’re looking at things like that—how we can incorporate that into these various activities to make it more engaging.”

The translation tool can be used on the iPad. “Say you’re commuting to work; you can sit there on your iPad and you could translate,” said Anderson. “People can do it whenever, wherever.”

The Vineyard is a tool that has been able to traverse many boundaries, with users in over 100 countries worldwide. “It gives members of the Church an opportunity to cross continents, languages, and come together and contribute together in a more visible way,” said Seegmiller.

“We know we are all members of the Church worldwide, but now this connectivity that The Vineyard provides, we will be able to present more visibility to the users of who’s using this tool. . . . We have the ability to have that sense of community, to say ‘Wow, there are members of the Church throughout the world doing this,’ which is really exciting. And as members of the Church, we are cause driven, we like to share the gospel, share what we know with other people. This tool really enables everyone to share that experience with other people and have that common experience.”

To learn more about how you can get involved, visit our LDS How-to blog: How to Help the Church in 5 Minutes.

It Happened-True story!

Maybe, you better take a look. Think it can't happen to you? It happened!

Standing up for the truth, can still keep you free.

What does God's Word tell us to watch for and do? Read carefully: Ephesions 6:10-13 There are times when prayer requires works. James 2:17-20

You're sound asleep when you hear a thump outside your bedroom door.

Half-awake, and nearly paralyzed with fear,

you hear muffled whispers.

At least two people have broken into your

house and are moving your way.

With your heart pumping, you reach down

beside your bed and pick up your shotgun.

You rack a shell into the chamber, then inch

toward the door and open it.

In the darkness, you make out two shadows.

One holds something that looks like a crowbar.

When the intruder brandishes it as if to strike,

you raise the shotgun and fire.

The blast knocks both thugs to the floor.

One writhes and screams while the second

man crawls to the front door and lurches outside.

As you pick up the telephone to call police,

you know you're in trouble.

In your country, most guns were outlawed years

before, and the few that are privately owned

are so stringently regulated as to make them useless.

Yours was never registered.

Police arrive and inform you

that the second burglar has died.

They arrest you for First Degree Murder

and Illegal Possession of a Firearm.

When you talk to your attorney, he tells

you not to worry: authorities will probably

plea the case down to manslaughter.

"What kind of sentence will I get?" you ask.

"Only ten-to-twelve years,"

he replies, as if that's nothing.

"Behave yourself, and you'll be out in seven."

The next day, the shooting is the lead

story in the local newspaper.

Somehow, you're portrayed as an eccentric

vigilante while the two men you shot

are represented as choirboys.

Their friends and relatives can't find

an unkind word to say about them.

Buried deep down in the article, authorities acknowledge that both "victims" have been arrested numerous times.

But the next day's headline says it all:

"Lovable Rogue Son Didn't Deserve to Die."

The thieves have been transformed from career criminals into Robin Hood-type pranksters.

As the days wear on, the story takes wings.

The national media picks it up,

then the international media.

The surviving burglar has become a folk hero.

Your attorney says the thief is preparing

to sue you, and he'll probably win.

The media publishes reports that your home has been burglarized several times in the past and that you've been critical of local police for their lack

of effort in apprehending the suspects.

After the last break-in, you told your neighbor

that you would be prepared next time.

The District Attorney uses this to allege

that you were lying in wait for the burglars.

A few months later, you go to trial.

The charges haven't been reduced,

as your lawyer had so confidently predicted.

When you take the stand, your anger at

the injustice of it all works against you.

Prosecutors paint a picture of you

as a mean, vengeful man.

It doesn't take long for the jury to convict

you of all charges.

The judge sentences you to life in prison.

This case really happened.

On August 22, 1999, Tony Martin of Emneth, Norfolk , England , killed one burglar and wounded a second.

In April, 2000, he was convicted

and is now serving a life term.

How did it become a crime to defend one's

own life in the once great British Empire ?

It started with the Pistols Act of 1903.

This seemingly reasonable law forbade selling pistols to minors or felons and established that handgun sales were to be made only to those who had a license. The Firearms Act of 1920 expanded licensing to include not only handguns but all firearms except shotguns.

Later laws passed in 1953 and 1967 outlawed the carrying of any weapon by private citizens and mandated the registration of all shotguns.

Momentum for total handgun confiscation began in earnest after the Hungerford mass shooting in 1987. Michael Ryan, a mentally disturbed man with a Kalashnikov rifle, walked down the streets shooting everyone he saw.

When the smoke cleared, 17 people were dead.

The British public, already de-sensitized by eighty years of "gun control", demanded even tougher restrictions. (The seizure of all privately owned handguns was the objective even though Ryan used a rifle.)

Nine years later, at Dunblane , Scotland , Thomas Hamilton used a semi-automatic weapon to murder 16 children and a teacher at a public school.

For many years, the media had portrayed all gun owners as mentally unstable or worse, criminals. Now the press had a real kook with which to beat up law-abiding gun owners. Day after day, week after week, the media gave up all pretense of objectivity and demanded a total ban on all handguns. The Dunblane Inquiry, a few months later, sealed the fate of the few sidearms still owned by private citizens.

During the years in which the British government incrementally took away most gun rights, the notion that a citizen had the right to armed self-defense came to be seen as vigilantism. Authorities refused to grant gun licenses to people who were threatened, claiming that self-defense was no longer considered a reason to own a gun. Citizens who shot burglars or robbers or rapists were charged while the real criminals were released.

Indeed, after the Martin shooting, a police spokesman was quoted as saying, "We cannot have people take the law into their own hands."

All of Martin's neighbors had been robbed numerous times, and several elderly people were severely injured in beatings by young thugs who had no fear of the consequences. Martin himself, a collector of antiques, had seen most of his collection trashed or stolen by burglars.

When the Dunblane Inquiry ended, citizens who owned handguns were given three months to turn them over to local authorities.

Being good British subjects, most people obeyed the law. The few who didn't were visited by police and threatened with ten-year prison sentences if they didn't comply.

Police later bragged that they'd taken nearly 200,000 handguns from private citizens.

How did the authorities know who had handguns?

The guns had been registered and licensed.

Kind of like cars Sound familiar?

WAKE UP AMERICA; THIS IS WHY OUR FOUNDING FATHERS PUT THE SECOND AMENDMENT IN OUR CONSTITUTION.

"..It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds.."

--Samuel Adams

If you think this is important,

please forward to everyone you know.

You had better wake up, because your new

president is going to do this very same thing

over here if he can get it done.

And there are stupid people in congress and

on the street that will go right along with him.

Daily Calendar

O LORD WHO GAVE THY LIFE FOR ME.

O LORD WHO GAVE THY LIFE FOR ME, I COME NOW IN HUMILITY
AND HEAR MY SACRIFICE IMPART: A CONTRITE SOUL, A BROKEN HEART.
OH, MAY THY LOVE IN MERCY SHINE AND BIND MY SORR'WING HEART
TO THINE.

UPON THE ALTER HERE I LAY MY PRIDE, MY HURT, EACH WILL-FULL WAY
MY BURDEN ALL OF SIN AND CARE, AND IN IT'S PLACE THY YOKE I'LL
BEAR. OH, MAY THY LOVE MY SOUL REFINE AND BIND MY TRUSTING
HEART TO THINE.

MY HEART IS FULL OF LOVE FOR THEE BECAUSE I KNOW THOU FIRST
LOVED ME. NOW BY THAT LOVE I'LL SEEK TO LIVE AND FREELY LIKE
THY-SELF FORGIVE. OH MAY THY LOVE MY LIFE DEFINE AND BIND MY
WILLING HEART TO THINE.

AND AS I STRIVE TO THUS ENDURE WITH CLEANER HANDS AND HEART
MORE PURE, IN ALL AROUND I SEE THY FACE AND FEEL THE BOUNTIES
OF THY GRACE. O SAVIOR, MAY THY LOVE DEVINE NOW BIND MY GREAT-
FUL HEART TO THINE.


A very interesting comversation.

Think about this It will make you go deeper into what you actually believe. VERY INTERESTING CONVERSATION. An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and .... > > Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ? > > Student : Yes, sir. > > Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ? > > Student : Absolutely, sir. > > Professor : Is GOD Good ? > > Student : Sure. > > Professor : Is GO D A LL - POWERFUL ? > > Student : Yes. > > Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to > GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But > GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm? > > > (Student was silent ) > > > > Professor : You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, Young > Fella. Is GOD Good? > > Student : Yes. > > Professor : Is Satan good? > > Student : No. > > Professor : Where does Satan come from? > > Student : From .... GOD . . . > > Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this > World? > > Student : Yes. > > Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And GOD did make > everything. Correct? > > Student : Yes. > > Professor : So who created evil? > > (Student did not answer) > > Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All > these terrible things exist in the World, don't they? > > Student : Yes, sir. > > Professor : So, who Created them? > > (Student had no answer) > > Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and > Observe the World around you.. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD? > > Student : No, sir. > > Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD? > > Student : No, sir. > > Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt > your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter? > > Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't. > > Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM? > > Student : Yes. > > Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable > Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist.. What do you say to that, > son? > > Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith. > > Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the Problem Science has. > > Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat? > > Professor : Yes. > > Student : And is there such a thing as Cold? > > Professor : Yes. > > Student : No, sir. There isn't.. > > (The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events ) > > Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, > Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat, Little Heat or No Heat. But we don't > have > anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, > but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as Cold. > Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat. We cannot > Measure Cold. Heat is Energy. Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just > the Absence of it. (There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre) > > Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing > as Darkness? > > Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness? > > Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of > Something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing > Light . . .. But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its > called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't If it is, were you > would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you? > > Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man? > > Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed. > > Professor : Flawed? Can you explain how? > > Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You > argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You > are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can > measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity > and > Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To > view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that > Death > cannot exist as a Substantive Thing. Death is Not the Opposite of Life: > just the Absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students > that they evolved from a Monkey? > > Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary > Process, yes, of course, I do. > > Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, > sir? (The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize > where > the Argument was going) > > Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of > Evolution at work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going > Endeavor, Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist > but a Preacher? > > (The Class was in Uproar ) > > Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the > Professor's Brain? (The Class broke out into Laughter) > > Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the > Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? ..... No one appears to > have done so. So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, > Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that You have No Brain, sir. With all > due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir? > > (The Room was Silent.) > > (The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable) > > Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son. > > Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly! The Link between Man & > GOD is FAITH. That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving. > > That student was Albert Einstein. Concentrate on this sentence 'To > get something you never had, you have to do something you never did' > > DON'T SIT ON YOUR HANDS AND EXPECT THINGS TO HAPPEN THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO. IT TAKE S C OURAGE AND BE ING RELENTLE SS TO GET THINGS DONE

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Defensiveness

Defensiveness: A Marriage Communication Problem

Jonathan Swinton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Swinton Counseling - 4 days ago

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Defensiveness tends to be one of the key communications patterns leading to arguments. And even though it is a natural response, it can and should be controlled.

Do you ever get defensive when talking to your spouse? Does your spouse get defensive with you? Defensiveness is one of the most common negative communication patterns I see when I counsel couples. The problem is that defensiveness tends to be one of the key communication patterns leading to arguments.

It is human tendency to defend ourselves when we feel accused, attacked, or when we feel a need to clarify something. I don’t think most people get defensive because they are trying to be vindictive. Rather, it is a natural response to discomfort hearing something you disagree with. However, just because it is a natural response, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be controlled. Couples who can learn to avoid defensiveness will reduce disagreements significantly.

Let’s explore some examples of defensiveness. Let’s say a wife expresses a complaint or frustration in the relationship, the husband’s response is to defend why it was done, or why he was not at fault. The problem with this is that even if the husband feels justified in the defensive response, it will likely be the catalyst for an argument. All the wife probably just wants is a listening ear, validation of what she feels, and feeling respect from her husband. The husband’s defensive response sends the message that it is more important that he not look bad than that his wife’s feelings are heard and validated. If we are honest with ourselves, defensive responses are self-serving. They are all about saving face, not making the other person feel better.

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Another example: a husband starts to express a concern and the wife recognizes some error, misunderstanding, or misrepresentation in something the husband is saying, the wife jumps in to “correct” what he is saying. This is another sure way to start an argument. The problem with this defensive interruption is that it sends the message to the husband that his wife feels it is more important to correct him than to listen. A better reaction would be to listen, avoid the temptation to interrupt, clarify, or defend ourselves, and perhaps take personal responsibility (even if we don’t feel it is entirely our fault).

The three keys to avoiding defensiveness include:

1. Listen without judgement. Your spouse is bringing the issue up with you because they think you will listen. Do it. In so doing, don’t pre-judge what you will not like about what they are saying before they say it. Listen the way a friend would listen.

2. Validate their feelings. Even if you disagree with how they see things, or if you think they misunderstood something, just validate what they are feeling. That will go a lot further in helping them feel better than any clarification you could offer.

3. Take responsibility. The adage “take one for the team” can go a long way in overcoming defensiveness. If you get defensive, focus on taking responsibility, even if you don’t feel that you are entirely responsible. If you are willing to take responsibility and apologize, the issue will be resolved. No fight will follow, and your spouse will appreciate your humility. If you choose to focus on how your spouse was to blame rather than taking responsibility, you are choosing to be right and fight instead of putting your spouse and relationship first. I don’t want to suggest you are to blame in every situation, no matter what your spouse is feeling. However, erring on the side of personal responsibility instead of spousal blame will help your spouse feel loved.

A brief aside: It is of course important for the spouse presenting a concern or frustration to do so in a non-critical manner. Present your feelings about situations, actions, or behaviors; don’t attack your spouse.

Far too many spouses get defensive. I think it is because most don’t wake up in the morning intending to hurt their spouse’s feelings. However, attempts to clarify, smooth over, or defend will likely not be met with a warm reception by your spouse. By following the steps outlined above, not only will you avoid defensiveness, you will also make your spouse feel heard, valued, and loved. Doing more of that will certainly cause arguments to dissipate.

If you want more help in overcoming defensiveness or other communication issues, visit my website to see how I can help: www.swintoncounseling.com.


Jonathan Swinton is an LDS Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He accepts self and Bishop referrals, and is available to provide marriage and family therapy services and weekend couple retreats to anyone interested. He is also available to speak on marriage issues at Relief Society and Ward events. Contact him at Swinton Counseling: 801-647-9951, www.swintoncounseling.com.

© LDS Living, 2011.

Is selfishness poisoning your marriage

Is Selfishness Poisoning Your Marriage?

Jonathan Swinton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Swinton Counseling - July 19, 2011

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Our economy operates on the assumption that what we have is not enough. Unfortunately, this can overflow into marriage.

We live in an economy that survives by convincing us that what we have is not good enough and we deserve better. Advertisers constantly throw this idea in our faces. They need us to believe that we cannot live without whatever they are selling, or that our lives would be better with something new or different.

For example, it appears that the flat panel TV I spent a small fortune on three years is now junk because it is not 3D. We are led to believe that we have never lived until we have the newest, best, or different thing. The problem I consistently see as a marriage counselor is that this selfish way of thinking overflows into our expectations in marriage. We start down the slippery path of thinking that our spouse is not good enough and we deserve better.

To avoid this tendency we need to take stock of how we think of and relate to our spouse. Are you being too selfish in your marriage? When I ask this question of couples in counseling, I am typically engulfed by a laundry list of all the things the other spouse is doing wrong. However, focusing on what our spouse does wrong can hinder our ability to change whatever we may be doing wrong. Our spouse obviously may need to change as well, but our focus has to be on what we can control, which is ourselves. Here are some questions we should ask ourselves to see if we are being too selfish and consumeristic in our relationships:

1. Do I confuse my desires with my needs? Often when we want something from our marriage that does not seem to come in the time or way we want, we may begin to demand it more. We slowly convince ourselves that the want is a need. This can lead to increasing and unfair demands on our spouse.

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2. Do I care more about “what’s in it for me?” than “what’s in it for my spouse?” I think most of us would like to say we always try to put our spouse first. However, if we are honest with ourselves, do we? I often suggest that people imagine if I could be a fly on the wall for two weeks, would my observations of their actions tell me their focus is on their best interest or on their spouse’s? We often sadly find ourselves in the position of jockeying for our interests or wants on issues. We see a good marriage as one where we can openly fight for our position and our spouse gives us what we want. After all, if they love us they will make sure we get what we want, right? Instead of focusing on jockeying for what we want, we would all be better served if our focus was on making sure our spouse gets what they want out of the relationship. We should fight for our spouse instead of ourselves. If both spouses do this, the wants are still met, but they are met in a way that benefits the relationship instead of just benefitting ourselves.

3. Do I unfavorably compare my spouse to other people? This is a dangerous trap that many easily fall into. We see a friend’s spouse, a co-worker, or the “perfect” couple at church. We may think something like, “I wish my husband/wife was more like that person,” or “Why can’t our relationship be like theirs?” The important thing to remember is that we don’t have all the cards. Sure, that person may seem great, but didn’t our spouse seem great when we first met them, too? If we lived with one of these “model” spouses, knew their imperfections, and experienced years of the stresses of life with them, they would likely lose their appeal. They may in reality be a hornet’s nest that no one else sees. Maybe others look at your spouse and wonder if their marriage were better if they had someone like your spouse. The tough reality of marriage is that we know more bad things about our spouses than anyone else in the world. Knowing anyone that well will certainly bring faults to the surface, no matter how good they are. Let’s be grateful for what we have and realize that no one is perfect.

4. Do I believe that my relationship should be as exciting and easy as it seemed when we first got together? I am a firm believer that couples can have satisfying, exciting, meaningful relationships long term. However, it is not always smooth sailing. Many couples get married in younger years when the stresses of children, work, school, student loans, mortgages, church callings, etc. are not as severe. Adding those pressures will test any relationship. It may not be as exciting every day as it seemed when you first started dating, but it can still be wonderful.

5. Do I believe that unrealistic relationship fantasies can be reality? We often embark on the path of marriage with expectations, hopes, and dreams; however, rarely do things go as planned. Yet, we often still hope for the perfect marriage we are supposed to have. It is a great goal to have a strong marriage, but marriage is messy; it is not perfect. That is okay, and we need to have that realistic expectation. I typically encourage couples to think of relationship satisfaction on a 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being the best the relationship has been, and 1 being the worst. I think a realistic goal is to get the relationship to average somewhere between 7 and 8. There may be days it is a 10 and days it is a 5, but a 7-8 average is realistic and can be wonderfully satisfying.

6. Do I believe it is my spouse’s responsibility to make my relationship better? Both spouses have a responsibility to make the relationship better. Rarely does lasting improvement occur if only one spouse makes changes. The important thing to remember is that we can’t control our spouse. Our focus has to be on what we can do to make the relationship better. Are we too focused on the laundry list of issues our spouse needs to improve? I often hear couples rationalize away their poor behavior by saying things like, “If he/she hadn’t said that, then I wouldn’t have been so rude,” or "As soon as she/he stops nagging, it will be easy to be nice.” The fact is, we are responsible for what we say and do. If what we say or do is not how a loving spouse would act, we have no one to blame but ourselves. Take responsibility. Don’t wait for your spouse to change before you do. Take the initiative and get the positive change moving in your relationship.

If we can all focus on changing ourselves to be the best spouse we can be, marriage problems would largely vanish. President Monson gave incredibly wise counsel in the general Priesthood meeting of the most recent conference that supports these ideas. He quoted Howard W. Hunter who said, “Being happily and successfully married is generally not so much a matter of marrying the right person as it is being the right person.” President Monson added, “If any of you are having difficulty in your marriage, I urge you to do all that you can to make whatever repairs are necessary.”

For a printable selfishness in marriage questionnaire, visit: www.swintoncounseling.com.

Is there a marriage or family relationship issue that you would like our relationship expert Jonathan Swinton to address in future columns? If so, send him an email at jonathan@swintoncounseling.com.


Jonathan Swinton is an LDS Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He is an approved LDS Family Services Referred Provider, accepts bishop referrals, and is available to provide marriage and family therapy services and weekend couple retreats to anyone interested. He is also available to speak on marriage issues at Relief Society and ward activities. Contact him at Swinton Counseling: 801-647-9951, www.swintoncounseling.com.